so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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