can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
