my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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