i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can I color on your dick again?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
