New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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