i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
