Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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