If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
