Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
my poor anus
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
