Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
