I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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