then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
