he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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