I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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