I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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