You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
