Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
