you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
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Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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