there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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