just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
