she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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