I feel like abortions should bother me more
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
