You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
