Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm really busy with my period
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