the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
