apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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