I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
