PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
