see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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