the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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