you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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