I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
