It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
