# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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