best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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