You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
