sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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