two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
