Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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