Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
