Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
