did you get engaged???
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
