No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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