i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
