whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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