u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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