it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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