with your own penis?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
