took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
