I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
