I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
