I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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