I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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