so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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