he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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