it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
