how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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