i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
