Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
