No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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