just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
