How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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