I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
