It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
