it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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