I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
