How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
