I should be sponsored by Trojan
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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