Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
