So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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