I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
