i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
