I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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