I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
