hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just pee around me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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