That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
how does that bad decision feel?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
