dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
