Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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