bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
