don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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